Brian: ...That’s my job.
Johnny: Well, could they not train a tall chimpanzee to do that? Or, a small chimpanzee with a bigger gizmo?
Brian: I suppose they could.
Johnny: Well Brian, you’ve succeeded in convincing me you have the most tedious fuckin' job in England.
Johnny: So you think you can make the present palatable by projecting into the future? You’re living in the past, pal. It’s the future that fucks you up, Brian, it’s the maggot in the apple. See, you’re all pissed off with the present, right? And there’s nothing wrong with the present. The present’s fine, the present’s perfect, the present’s peachy fuckin' creamy. The only thing wrong with the present is the bastard doesn’t exist, because the present is the future and the future is the past, and it’s all the same fuckin' bag of bones anyway. It’s a constant process of coming into being and passing away, coming into being and passing away. The future is now.
Brian: But the present does exist. We’re in it now.
Johnny: You were just then when you said it, but you’re not in it now. You’re not in it now. You’re not in it now. You’re forever being kicked up the ass by the future. You with me?
Johnny: Has nobody not told you, Brian, that you’ve got this kind of gleeful preoccupation with the future? I wouldn’t even mind, but you don’t even have a fuckin' future, I don’t have a future. Nobody has a future. The party's over. Take a look around you man, it’s all breaking up. Are you not familiar with the book of Revelations of St. John, the final book of the Bible prophesying the apocalypse?... He forced everyone to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead so that no one shall be able to buy or sell unless he has the mark, which is the name of the beast, or the number of his name, and the number of the beast is 6-6-6. ...What can such a specific prophecy mean? What is the mark? Well the mark, Brian, is the barcode, the ubiquitous barcode that you’ll find on every bog roll and packet of johnnies and every poxy pork pie, and every fuckin' barcode is divided into two parts by three markers, and those three markers are always represented by the number 6. 6-6-6. Now what does it say? No one shall be able to buy or sell without that mark. And now what they’re planning to do in order to eradicate all credit card fraud and in order to precipitate a totally cashless society, what they’re planning to do, what they’ve already tested on the American troops, they’re going to subcutaneously laser tattoo that mark onto your right hand, or onto your forehead. They’re going to replace plastic with flesh. Fact. In the same book of Revelations when the seven seals are broken open on the day of judgment and the seven angels blow the trumpets, when the third angel blows her bugle, wormwood will fall from the sky, wormwood will poison a third part of all the waters and a third part of all the land and many many many people will die. Now do you know what the Russian translation for wormwood is? ....Chernobyl. Fact. On August the 18th, 1999, the planets of our solar system are gonna line up into the shape of a cross... They’re gonna line up in the signs of Aquarius, Leo, Taurus, and Scorpio, which just happen to correspond to the four beasts of the apocalypse, as mentioned in the book of Daniel, another fuckin' fact! Do you want me to go on? The end of the world is nigh, Brian, the game is up.
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